Monday, December 31, 2012

no more 2012

So, it's the last day of 2012 and I'm not sure what to think.

This whole getting older thing is weird; it really doesn't feel like a whole year has gone by.

Part of me wants to hold on to 2012, saying "wait! I'm not finished yet! I'm not ready to keep moving on yet!" Part of me sees the amazing ways God has worked in my life over the past year and is excited for what he'll do next year. Part of me is still afraid he won't do what I want him to do. I have trust issues.

My brother and sister are leaving early in the morning. I'm at work tonight, so I had to hug them goodbye before I left the house. Nick wouldn't let me go. There's nothing like a man-hug. I miss him. Laura and I don't really do a lot together, but we do a lot of nothing together, and there's something so sweet about just having a friend to do nothing with you. I miss her. I'm so glad they got to be here for two weeks, but it was such a short two weeks. And every time we're all together, I marvel and think, "It won't be this way much longer."

I only read 30 books this year.

I heard a kid screaming in the store the other day and it sounded like one of the special needs kids on the bus I used to work on. Who knew a screaming kid could bring on a bout of nostalgia? That wasn't a bad job. I was doing that this time last year, with no idea I would be living in a different state less than 4 months later.

I love Aiken. I love my new friends. I love my school.
I had planned to go to PCC, you know, because it just seemed so logical. I prayed and journaled and prayed and talked and figured it must be the right thing to do. It really seemed right. But when it came down to the wire, plans fell through. Now I'm at USCA, and I love it.
I didn't even have money. Or a job. Or a car.
After I applied at USCA, I got this amazing job babysitting for this great family. It just pays my bills.
I still didn't get a car, but somehow I always made it to class.

This semester I will have a car. Some friends decided to sell their old one, and thought of offering it to me, knowing I would need one. Just in time - my dad will be driving his truck again (that I was borrowing for a little bit), and my friend (who I caught a ride with sometimes) has a different schedule from mine this Spring. Again, I registered having no clue how I would actually make it to class. Don't even tell me God doesn't provide.

I miss my old friends. People are getting married. And I live so far away. Not across the country, of course, but sometimes it seems it may as well be.

My family is intact. You probably don't know how amazing that is, but it is. The fact that we are facing a new year together with all members physically, mentally, and spiritually well and accounted for is nothing short of an act of the grace of God.

You know what else is really neat? I love our church. It took years to feel like I had a real place in our church before. I felt welcome there, don't get me wrong, but it took a long time to feel like I really, truly belonged. There's nothing like knowing you belong. I feel like I belong here. I'm not waiting to find somewhere to fit in. I think I already fit. I've even gotten past thinking how weird "Breezy Hill Baptist Church" sounds. lol

It would have been ok with me had the Mayans been right. Maybe too ok? I should probably be a little more excited about what God still has for me here! But Heaven is going to be bliss, and bliss can come any day. :)

Christmas was nice. Uneventful. Relaxing. We weren't able to join our grandparents for Christmas like we have most years before, so that was a little bit sad, but we still had a nice day, and we all shared pictures on facebook. I even got to see Erin! Her family stopped by on their way to North Carolina. We used to spend like 5 of 7 days together. A week in which we saw each other twice was a rarity. We've seen each other for probably a grand total of 6 hours or so this year, it seems. So, just two hours on a gray afternoon was nice.

This post is a mess. Like me. <3 br="br">


  1. You word things so....right :)and you write the way you talk. I enjoy reading these bc it seems like when we are at church, we are so busy and I never get to talk to you. But reading your blog I feel like i know you more haha.

    1. I know! I left church last night and then I was like "dang, I never even said hey to tim!"


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