Saturday, November 10, 2007

If it's okay to covet prayers...

I'm feeling very covetous.

Some of you may or may not have known that my Daddy's in the hospital with heart problems. Here's the latest update my mom sent her friends:

Well, I know for a few of you this is the first e-mail you will have received, so please forgive me for jumping right in.
As of yesterday, Mark had a heart catheterization done and the cardiologist only told him that there were no blockages, and that the heart muscle was very weakened. This morning, Saturday, another dr. from the practice came in to see us and he was more specific. (He was the doctor that treated Mark's dad just 1 1/2 weeks ago. Believe it or not, Mark is in the same room his dad was in. ~smile~ )

We are facing an unknown, which is customary for serious illness. I asked the dr. point blank about Mark's percentage of heart pumping capacity. 50% is the low end of normal, Mark's dad's heart is working at 27-33% function, and Mark is only at 10% heart function. He is basically in congestive heart failure. He is being treated with IV meds for 48 hrs then we will take it from there.

It appears that there are three types of outcomes:
1. If the heart failure is due to an infection of the heart muscle (myocarditis) the heart may improve on its own, though that appears unlikely considering the use of the IV drugs right now. The medications should help with the heart arrythmias until his heart function increases.
2. There is a wait and see approach because there is not another way of determining whether the heart will improve. Mark will be on medications to improve heart function and be monitored. At either 3, 6, or 9 months from now it will be determined if he needs a defibrillator. The poor heart function makes the possiblity of a heart attack very likely.
3. Worst case scenario: If there is no improvement Mark will be a candidate for a heart transplant.

So for now, it is wait and see, and hope in the meantime that his condition doesn't worsen. I know we will be at the hospital until Monday. If there is a change in his condition I will get word out to you. We are thnkful for friends

We covet your prayers. Pray for Me and Mark to rest in God's love and perfect plan, for us to grow closer to Christ, and for our family to witness God's grace and sufficiency,and that we would all be a testimony to those who may not know Him.

So. Now you know. It's scary floating around between the possibility that he'll be well on his way to recovery in a few days, or the possibility of something as serious as a heart attack or transplant. And sometimes it's hard to help but think there's always that possibility that something could go very wrong.

As much as my dad and family need prayer right now, I'm also asking that you pray for me. Earlier this year when my family was at the point of falling apart, I was totally okay. God had given me this amazing peace, and I wasn't scared of anything. I felt in my soul that everything really would be okay, because God was with me.

Y'all, there is such a difference in knowing something to be true in your mind, and feeling it within yourself.

I'm definitely not as close to God as I was then, and I can't figure out where I'm going wrong. But when I pray, it's more like "maybe if I repeat it loud enough, God, you can hear me up there!" instead of whispering softly because I know he's right beside me. And I don't want to feel this way, but something has happened to the fellowship, and I'm having a hard time coming back, because I'm having trouble seeing where I'm going wrong!!

So, just please, please, be in prayer for my family, and especially my Daddy. I really do know God is with us, and that "all things work together for good" and all of that stuff. I know it, but it doesn't help as much when you can't feel it in your spirit.

I love you guys. I really am blessed with the awesomest friends. **hugs**
Thank you so much for being there.

Princess Caitlin