Wednesday, February 6, 2013

real life

Monday was Monday.
Tuesday was Tuesday.
Today is Wednesday, everything-at-once-day, ignore-it-and-it-will-not-come day.

It's not a bad day.
But I would like to be an ostrich sometimes.

Summer's not that far off. Zoom in and it's frighteningly close. Zoom out and it's okay, except you have to plan. How can you plan when you don't have plans? Hard to prepare when you don't know what to prepare for. And then there's money. Time and money. Isn't it always time and money?

Here's what happens:
I hold on to the rope, and even though I can't see very far, my footing is stable.
My footing is stable, so I feel confident.
I feel confident, so I loosen my grip. Trailing my fingers along, then letting my hand fall to my side.

And then my feet feel heavy, and my legs feel clumsy, and the confidence is quaking, dissolving, and the surrounding unknown becomes oppressive and dark. And so I stop. So, now I'm standing there, just standing there, with my hands at my side, and I know the rope is still there and I can take hold again, but something perverse in me wants to pretend I can't find it, or wants me to fight forward in the chaotic void on my own. I don't know why. Why?

WHY do I not just keep holding on?!
This is real life, folks.

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