I was going to do this as a blog post, but then I decided that
it wasn't blog worthy. Or too personal maybe? Or that people wouldn't like it.
Or think I'm weird. Or something. I don't know. Something kept me from posting
it on my blog, but I just wanted to share it. Mostly with Erin because we've
been talking about this kind of stuff lately. (contentment, trusting God,
relationships, talking to God... you know...)
Well, I had a revelation
the other night. Or maybe it was an epiphany, whatever that is. Or just a
I was lying in bed, trying to muster up the courage to tell
God "if you want me to be single for the rest of my life, I'm okay with that." I
do a lot of my talking to God at night, in case you haven't noticed. Anyways, I
really couldn't even manage "I am content to be single til I'm 42, if that's
your will for me, God." Because, honestly? I want God's will and only God's will
for my life, but how can I promise that I'm going to be content being single
every day for the rest of my life right now?!
And then the neatest little
thing happened. God said "You don't have to be content to be single for the rest
of your life. Just today."
I thought I had to sign it all
over and say "Lord, I am ready to be an old maid for you! Let's do
And He was like "nope. Just today. That's all I really
That makes SO MUCH SENSE!
I can live with being single
today. We're supposed to take life one day at a time anyways, right?
grace when we need it, and right now I don't NEED the grace to be content to be
a crazy old bird lady for the rest of my life. All I need right now is the grace
to serve joyfully where I am TODAY.
And I dunno if this is necessarily
scriptural, but why should I force myself to say "I'm content to be single
forever" when God hasn't said that's His will anyways? I don't know WHAT His
will for the future is.
But I must act on what I DO know of God's will,
and I DO know that TODAY I am supposed to be single.
I can deal with that.
And sufficient grace for each new Today will come as it gets
And if it turns out that I AM supposed to be single forever, well I
guess that'll be ok too, because not only will God give grace, but Erin has
agreed to be a crazy bird lady with me.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
foreward: This is a seriousish post about a conversation I had with God about me being single. If that disinterests you, you may tune out now. =D I wasn't going to post this on my blog, so it started out earlier today as a little note on Facebook. But now it's officially a blog post too, just in case any of you would happen to like it.