Don't Make Your Bed

Think back to this morning. You did the same thing you’ve done nearly every day for most of your life: You got out of bed. But what did you do after that?

Quick question:

Do you make your bed neatly, religiously, every day?
Do make your bed most of the time?
Or, do you make your bed almost never

That’s me.

And it’s not U.S. Navy Admiral William H. McRaven. In 2014 McRaven gave a now-famous commencement address at the university of Texas. “If you want to change the world, make your bed,” he said. Making your bed would, he said, set the tone for the day, import a sense of pride and accomplishment, reinforce that small tasks matter, and set yourself up for a strong start for tomorrow.

Throw all of that away. 

I’m here to tell you NOT to make your bed. And to give you three undeniable reasons why.

Reason 1: Making your bed is gross. 

I was appalled the day I learned that basically every bed is home to about 1.5 million microscopic dust mites. (I was more horrified the day I learned about Demodex mites – which live IN YOUR EYELASHES and are apparently NORMAL. But I digress). TEN PERCENT of the weight of a two-year old pillow can be composed of dead mites and their waste products.

And here’s the kicker: Dust mites thrive on human dander and warm, moist conditions – like the inside of your bed after a cozy night’s sleep. Making your bed traps your residual warmth and moisture in, leaving the mites to happily feast on your leftover skin flakes. They THRIVE in a made bed. So, leave those covers off and let things cool off and dry up. 

(As an aside, I’ll be totally honest with you – there doesn’t seem to be actual research proving that an unmade bed makes a more hostile home for dust mites, but do you really want to be tucking those guys in every morning?)

Reason 2: An unmade bed is more comfortable. 

It just is. I know this is getting into subjective territory, but getting into a freshly made, edges-tucked bed is like slipping yourself into a crisp paper envelope. Rigid. Restricting.

I don’t want the sheets tucked in. I want myself tucked in. I want the fluid freedom of rumpled, flowing sheets and blankets cascading around me and burrito-ing me close. the first thing I do at any hotel is kick-kick-kick out the bottom of the sheets out so I can swaddle them around my feet.

Another thing: let’s assume you have a spare blanket for if you get chilly. A bed-making person (like my husband, for instance) will have it neatly folded across the foot of the bed. But do you really want to fool with reaching all the way down there and unfolding it when you’re cold and asleep in the middle of the night? I don’t. Unmade? Reach down, yank up, sleep.

Reason 3: You have better things to do. 

Let’s be honest. Let’s say making a bed neatly takes 2 minutes. That’s 12 hours per year spent making your bed. Over 60 years, you’ve spent a WHOLE MONTH—that's thirty twenty-four-hour days—making your bed. You could take that 2 minutes to meditate, which has proven health benefits, unlike making your bed. You could pour yourself a cup of coffee, which, in my opinion, is much more energizing than making your bed.

You could even use that time to do legitimate chores: If you don’t wash your dishes, your kitchen gets gross and you have to eat everything with your hands. If you don’t do the laundry, you’ll stink and look unappealing, to say the least. But nothing bad happens if you don’t make your bed.

Think about it. 

Does making your bed matter in the grand scheme of life? Unless your name is Admiral William McRaven, I doubt it’s going to come up on that fated day your family and friends share fond memories at your funeral.

It’s not a popular message, but someone had to say it: Save time. Stay comfortable. Starve the mites. Don’t make your bed.

 

P.S. This piece was written and presented as a humorous speech in participation with my local Sunrise Toastmasters' Speechcraft program. Thank you to all who humored me and laughed at my presentation.

If you're interested in more content like this, I don't know what to tell you. Sometimes good stuff comes to me. Most of the time I'm a dry well. Also, you should know this is not up to my usual level of journalistic integrity. I did not bother to find and cite legitimate sources. However, unlike last week's listeners, you at least have the benefit of clickable links to sites of questionable authority.