Redirecting

He loves me with an everlasting love. Nothing I can do or say will ever sway the power of his love for me. He thinks of me night and day. He showers me with little gifts just because it makes his heart glad to see my smile. He is jealous of the things that take me away from him.

I have rejected him. I've run from him. I've left his body full of scars.
And still he loves me.
When I leave him, those arms that ached on the cross ache to hold me close.
His hands, the hands that I wounded, long to touch me with healing and comfort.

His love for me is so strong he would kill for me.

He did kill for me.
His own Self. His own Son. He made a sacrifice of his own flesh and blood.
So that I would know his love.

And then he conquered Death!
His love is so powerful that it shattered the reign of Death so that I could be with him!
Not only for proof of his love and power, but to give me the ability to share in it.

How can I not love Him?

This is the greatest story of love ever written. This man, my Lord, who is Love Himself, wants nothing so much as for me to be caught up with him in this beautiful extravagance of love. To share in his life. To share in his power. To know and be known.

He is beautiful. And I love him.

Turn Away

Disclaimer:
If you're not in the mood for a sunshiney, Caitlinesque post, now's the time to turn away because some "I could just hug the world" happiness is coming up.

I would like to start off by saying I'm starving, and all I've had today is coffee and a donut. Which has me a little excited but tired at the same time.

Next, I would like to say that choir practice this morning was da bomb. (allow me to channel my inner Randy Jackson for a moment.) There were still a couple rough spots, but we're gonna "blow it out da water" when the time comes. All for the glory of God, of course.

Also, I'm rather happy in general because my bestest-friend-in-the-whole-wide-world-for-as-long-as-I-can-remember is... **ahem**... in a relationship.

Or, to use a sometimes controversial/debatable term:
Courting.
**insert wide eyed gasp!**
And I'm, like, YAY!! Thrilled! (Yes, I sound stupid.)
So. Congratulations to my dear friend Katey and her nice fellow, Terry!
I think he's very lucky indeed.
Dunno what I'd do without my Katey. I know I've mentioned her quite a few times on this blog, and if you ever talk to me "in real life", I've probably mentioned her then too.
She's my anchor friend.
Other people come and go - that's just how life is - but Katey's always been there. And I guess I'll quit praising her so openly on my blog because that might make her uncomfortable.
( I know you're reading this. Hope you're ok with it. I'll take it down if you force me, but I thought everyone should know how great you are. lol)
See what a good friend I am?
Umm... Where was I? ...
Oh right. I've only met Terry a few times but I think he's great too. He makes a fantastic Earl Grey Latte.
May God bless their relationship and use it to bring them closer to Him!
So, yeah. I'm very happy for them, and looking forward to seeing how life is going to continue to surprise me...
:D

However, I would like to say that this has been FREAKY as well as cool.
Because, ... HELLO... this was supposed to happen in the future.
Who told the future it was time to show up?!
Rhetorical questions. Love em.

Tonight I'm going to hang out with more of my awesome friends and go eat horribly unhealthy, delicious food at the Varsity. Then we're going to the Atlanta Passion Play.
I love hot dogs.

The weather is terrible but I'm feeling so cheeryfull that it really doesn't matter.

I also got an email from my dear friend, Rae, who's getting married. It was pictures of her wedding dress and a status update on our bridesmaid dresses.
YAY!

Last night I succesfully reproduced this hat. Which I've been trying to do for ages.
And it already sold.
That's happy too!

Now I'm going to chillax, watch a movie with my family, and try to keep my feet warm.
Have a happy Saturday, dears.
<3
Caitlin

HelloGoodbye

Hello!
I'm leaving.
I'm going to spend some time with my favorite katies this evening.
I'm super excited.
And I'm wearing a purple shirt.
I'm having one of those "I think I could hug the world" moments.
I'm so lame.
And I love it.

I hope you have as good a day as I'm having.
Bye!
<3
me

Valentine's Day!

Happy Valentine's Day!
It has been a regular old uneventful Saturday here, but I thought I should at least write a special blog post for the occasion. And not only did I think it, but I remembered to do it!

I must say, I haven't had much cause to wish for a valentine of my own this February.

I shall tell you why.

These 8 oh-so-deceptively cute boys all brought me chocolate.
YAY!
And I was practically killed with hugs and kisses out on the playground Thursday.
It had been a tough morning. I needed it.
I've been recovering by eating fudge ever since.

And that is why Miss Caitlin wasn't in Dreadful Need of a boyfriend for Valentine's Day.

All this is not to say that I don't need any guys in my life.
The little ones are great, but I'm awfully thankful for the bigger ones, too.
Firstly, I'm thankful to my Daddy for providing for me, and bringing me up "in the nurture and admonition of the Lord." And to my brothers for... helping me practice being patient and kind over and over. ... I'm still working on that one. **scowl at self** But really, Nicholas and Joey and Ben do surprise me with their thoughtfulness sometimes.

And now, if you don't mind, I shall list some of the other guys to which I am grateful.
Some of you guys I don't actually talk to (ha!), and some of you I haven't known long, but I'm still thankful for you, and you shall see why:

Stu - Thanks for the ice cream. And the other fun random times.
Danny - Thanks for listening to my frustrated rants and offering help and pizza stories.
Keith -Thanks for the many emails. I never know quite what to expect from you.
Paul -Thanks for the peppermints and yahoo emoticon wars from ages ago.
John - Thanks for the Zac Efron stories and being so fun to hang out with.
Joe -Thanks for the gum-wrapper flowers and the deadly sarcasm.
Grayson - Thanks for deciding what I should eat at Taco Bell. And for being a great guy.
Matt - Thanks for the many rides, and the breakfast on Sundays that nobody eats.
Janson - Thanks for doing Youth Choir and for being encouraging.
Jeremy - Thanks for the many times you've offered to pray for us. I appreciate that.
Ryan - Thanks for being you? Some people are just fun to be around.
Zack - Thanks for the stimulating conversations.
Isaac - Thanks for the jokes about calico hair, and whatever else we talked of back then.
Daniel - Thanks for the random humor. You're kind of a celebrity around here.

And there you have it folks!
Wasn't that nice...

I watched Fireproof again last night. It reminded me that lessons about love aren't just for married people. God loved us sacrificially, and we are supposed to show His love to everyone. Even when they don't deserve it. Even when they don't notice.
And it's hard.

"I will love you like God because of God, mighted by the power of God. I will stop expecting your love, demanding your love, trading for your love, gaming for your love. I will simply love. I am giving myself to you, and tomorrow I will do it again. I suppose the clock itself will wear thin its time before I am ended at this altar of dying and dying again.

God risked Himself on me. I will risk myself on you. And together, we will learn to love, and perhaps then, and only then, understand this gravity that drew Him unto us."

-Donald Miller (Blue Like Jazz)

What a beautiful picture of learning to love.

Speaking of Fireproof, I should like to bring your attention to a super-awesome song
from that movie. While I'm Waiting - John Waller.
For the sake of the length of this post, I'm not going to post the lyrics here. The link above has the video from the movie, plus lyrics. Click the link! It's worth it.

I purchased that song on iTunes today.
It's sort of what the theme of my life is and has been for the past two years or so.
Waiting on the Lord, and trying to live for Him as I wait.
Wait for problems to be worked out.
Wait for plans to be revealed.
Wait for people to change. (myself included)
Wait for Prince Chaaaarmiiiing....
(hey, it's Valentine's Day. Cut me some slack)
Waiting eagerly but not impatiently.

So, there's my little compilation of thoughts for the day! It was longer than I thought it would be.
Hey! I realized I still haven't listened to this week's episode of the Boundless Show! And it's bound to be great since it's about the Valentine's Day.
I think I shall leave you now.
I hope you have some chocolate to bring you solace in my absense.
lol
Love y'all!!

Caitlin

It's not Thanksgiving any more!

So, my thanksgiving post is late. But just because it's not thanksgiving any more doesn't mean we should stop being thankful. What if we all remembered to be thankful ALL the time?
Counting my blessings takes ages.

A - Awanas. Apple cider - which would be good right now. My throat hurts. Advent -which we're celebrating this year!
B - Boys (and I mean that in a totally innocuous way. Boys of all ages. They're fun!)
C - Church. Coffee. My name. Choir.
D - Daddy.
E - Evening time. Email
F - Friendship, Food, Fun
G - God's Grace
H - Holy Spirit. He has to remind me of so many things so often. Hugs.
I - Intercession. I love knowing that I can help my friends through prayer.
J - Joy.Real joy. Not circumstantial happiness. :)
K - Katey and Alicia. (they just go together like that)
L - Laughter, Love
M - Music. Mama. and my "other mothers," Marmee and Mom.
N - New friends!! I gained a couple of new friends this year. Yay! (Rae, Becca, and church peeps.)
O - Orthodontics. ... I WILL have pretty teef one day.
P - Popcorn. PEACE. Peace comes first, actually.
Q - Quiet.
R - Rain. Relatives. Random rambling. Reading.
S - Singing!! Sunshine, Stars, Siblings.
T - Tall shoes. Teaching.
U - Umbrellas. **I'm siiingin' in the rain, just siiingin' in the rain..."
V - Vincent, my crazy little green bird.
W- Walking. Waiting. Yes, I can be thankful for waiting.
X - X. I'm thankful for the letter X. ... mostly because I can't think of any X words. It's a nifty letter.
Y - Yogurt? I'm thankful for that. ... I can't think of many Y things either.
Z - Zippers. Where would we be without them? Zippers and Zeros.

Be thankful, people. :) I hope you had a great thanksgiving.
I'm looking forward to leftovers tomorrow.
<3

Hallo again!

It's been over a week since I posted!

I've been busy.
Crocheting, going places, doing things... I had to drive somewhere almost every day last week. I think I listed all of the things I had to do in my last post. They all got accomplished, and they all worked out well.
Even the orthodontist visit. Although that isn't to say it wasn't miserable and painful and all that sort of thing. And then there's the fact that I still have to have these braces for two more years. Blegh. But I'm grateful, so there.

Hey, look! It's me when I first got my braces.
(I just felt like I needed some pictures in this post.)

Our movie night was a blast. It was so fun to see Beth and Katie again. Katie's gone off to college now... But she said we should have another movie night without her, in her honor. I agree.

I like talking about my friends in my posts so that I can tag them on facebook.

It's always fun when you see yourself in someone else's blog... if they're saying nice things about you. Or at least it is for me. lol I have other friends that would probably get mentioned more if they had facebooks so that I could tag them. Like Katey.

With that random little spiel over with, I would like to say that I'm glad to be back at work. This week is preparation time. Woo hoo! I've thrown away all sorts of clutter, and got my cabinets organized and neat. I decorated my door, and got started on a bulletin board. Other than that, I have nothing accomplished. I've got some idea books lying in my room that I've been meaning to look through... Got to get a lesson plan together, you know. I'm pretty good at flying by the seat of my pants (what an odd expression - that's the first time I've used that one, too, I think), but I doubt Mrs. Nancy would appreciate that. :D

I'm looking foward to actually starting with the kids there. I've only got two days a week, and a quarter of what I earn is paying for gas money to get there and back. Lest you think I'm exaggerating, ... well, I'm not. I put gas in the van today, so I know how much it takes, and if it's not a whole fourth of what I earn, it's more. Aaaanyways, I'm obviously not working for the money. I'm working because I love to! And guess what? ....
...
guess again.

My whole class is little boys!! Is that awesome or what?! I'm so excited. I'll have 6 two year old boys. It will be scary, but fun. Mrs. Nancy has labeled my class "Caitlin and the Boys." lol

And because I don't have any pictures of them yet, here's a favorite from the beginning of last year. It's my Rhett-Monkey!! I love that kid so much. He's grown a lot since that pic. I can't wait to see how much he's grown over the summer. Maybe his mom will need me to babysit... lol

Oh, yeah, I think where I was originally going with saying that I'm only working two days a week, was to say that it leaves me free to do other stuff during the week. Like maybe pick up a few babysitting jobs. ;-) And keep my nice little shop running.

It's been running well so far. As a matter of fact,
it's actually been picking up some speed lately. I'm currently working out another trade with Miss Helen from ShereDesign. This time it's for these great little bird earrings.
Her work is so cute!

Okay, I'm done now. I'll be back again someday.
"Hallo" and "love ya!" to all my friends. Enjoy your week. :)
-Miss Caitlin
P.S. I'm reading Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis in my spare time. It's amazing good. Check it out.

Introspective Reflection

I've been thinking a lot lately about whether or not I'll be going back to teach preschool this fall. I feel like I won't be. Or at least, I'm not anticipating it. I'm just waiting rather calmly to see what happens, but still... I feel like it's pretty much settled that I'll be staying home, even though nobody's said so for sure. Maybe that unfounded uncertainty is actually God preparing me? I don't know. But I was hit with a realization the other day - I only want to go back for selfish reasons.

Not because "God told me to" or "I feel it's my calling." No. I want to go back because:

I like being needed.

like I'm not needed at home, right?

I like being with the kids. It's fun.

I need to be with my own brothers and sisters.
I need to work on our relationships.
I want to be like Brittany Antonion in the way that she is so sweet and so motherly and so best-friendsy with her siblings- and I know they have fun together.

I like being in charge.

I'm in charge at home, too. sort of.

Only it's so much easier to be in charge in a nice way when it's not your family.
why is that?

I like being with the other adults. Even though I'm the kid out of the bunch. It makes me feel like a "big kid"... Like I'm important.

As if helping and loving my own family isn't important.

I like having a reason to be up and at 'em early in the morning.

Like I don't have a reason at home.
I just don't make myself get up and attend to those reasons.

I like getting a paycheck.

... okay, so I can't counter that one with a different source of money, but looking at the big picture, being home is so much more worth it, right?
"My God will supply all thy needs..."

And it was somewhat of a breakthrough when I realized this next one - This is the clincher.

I really like the security of being able to tell people that I have a job.

"So, you're going to college, right?"
"no..."
"Oh?! Well, then. What are you doing?"

"Oh, I work at a preschool" is SO much more "socially acceptable" than
"I stay at home. But I know I'm doing what God wants me to do right now."
It's so much safer when you can tell people you have a job.

And there are just a few people that I really love, and have really missed this summer. But I guess nobody's to say I can't visit them.

So, it sounds to me like I need to learn to love my family deeper.
That's sad. That I would rather give my mornings to a bunch of preschoolers I'll only know for a year than my family. That makes me really disappointed in myself.

This post started as a journal entry probably two weeks ago. I was just thinking and writing. And my little ramble about wanting to go back turned into a realization - and a discovery of my selfish motives.

It's true. They're all selfish. And knowing that they're selfish reasons, and that staying home is the "Godly Womanhood" way to go doesn't make me any happier about it. Not that I feel I'm resigned to doom and misery. I'm not really upset or anything. I know if I don't work, and stay home, I will grow and learn. I will honestly try to become the godliest little me that I can be. But I like working. And I like getting a paycheck. And I like the security. I feel like people will automatically assume that I must be a lazy, pointless, drop-out type, or like I "haven't got my act together yet" when I tell them I stay at home.
I know for certain that a LOT of people think things along those lines about stay at home moms.
And I admit it. I'm scared of what people think of me.
And yes, I know there's no reason to be.

But maybe it's just time for me to be as insecure as I've ever been. Maybe I'm supposed to be afraid and insecure, and learn to get over it. Or, more aptly, learn to realize that my ever-present Father is the only security I need, and the only True security I'll ever have. Not just know. There's something deeper to that word, realize.

I'm selfish, and I guess that's all there is to it. But I really do want what God wants, so we'll see what He's got in mind, won't we?

It's like a battle, and I'm standing on the wrong side of the field. I'm not actively fighting. I'm just standing, looking over to the side I ought to be on. But even though I know it's safer over there, and even though I know I'll be fighting for the right things over there, I'm scared to cross over.

Praise Ye The Lord

Praise the Lord, O my soul.
While I live will I praise the Lord: I will sing praises unto my God while I have any being.
(Ps. 146:1&2)

Sunday morning, Laura and I went to church with Aunt Cindy, Uncle Guy, and Alli. I'm so glad we did. My visit there was like a little revelation of sorts. The message was a tremendous blessing, but the spirit of worship is what really ministered to me.

I've grown up in more "traditional" style Independent Baptist type churches all my life. Being so, I expected it to be totally awkward and hard to focus on actually worshiping. It's been that way most of the other times I've visited churches that weren't what I've been used to.

I've been brought up around people who sometimes tend to judge others by whether or not they wear skirts, or use a specific version of the Bible, or hold different opinions on music. Sometimes the assumption is made that if others are worshiping differently, it must not be true worship. Like if they do such and such, they must not be as sincere as we folk with stricter standards, and more old fashioned beliefs. Not that I believed those things, but visiting Bridgeway was such a contradiction to those assumptions and judgements. I could really feel the presence of God Sunday morning, and it was so sweet to see how everyone was bent on worshiping Him, and giving Him glory. It was plain to see that the main goal there is to serve God.

And all of that mad me think how sometimes we "traditionalists" miss out on the joy of worship. So many times people will just stand there, mechanically singing their saintly old- time hymns with their orchestra, letting the "contemporary" people do all the real, sincere, joyful worshipping. I've seen a room full of people singing hymns of joy and thanksgiving, and their faces looked as if they were at a funeral. Of course, you could sing the popular praise songs just as mechanically...

This isn't a debate on music or styles, and I still prefer hymns to most modern praise choruses, but I guess my point is that true worship comes from the heart. It should be sincere and joyful. Thankful. And it should cause you to reflect on how small you are, and how great God is. All of our being should be consumed with praising the One who deserves more praise and love than we could ever give.

It was really nice Sunday to experience that joyful, humble, sincere worship in a different setting.

That's all. :)

I love candy!

I think I love these "Hard Candy" earrings from Tiffany at evanrhett more than I love the real thing, though.

And, get this! My love for them made them mine!
Tiffany posted a giveaway contest at the Etsy forums. Simple rules: Pick your favorite piece from her shop, and explain why you should win it. She said she'd pick a winner or two the following day.

Here is my entry:

Those Hard Candy earrings are my super-most favorite thing in your shop.

I should win them because I am completely in love with them. Yellow is my favorite color. Sunny and bright. Someone once said it's my favorite color because *I'm* sunny and bright. But that's not why I should win them.
Like I said, it's the whole love at first sight thing. As soon as I saw them, I clicked. The yellow pods had me at first glance. I decided to look through the rest of your shop anyways, feeling as though I was betraying my first love. Though all of your work is beautiful, their vivacious, sparkling yellowness called me back. From whence I have come, to express unto you, their creator, my undying love.

It worked! I won. ^.^ And every word was true.
When she announced the winners, I kinda squealed a clapped a little, and of course I said "yay!"... I think that's my catchprase. But anyways, I'm super excited. I was going to buy them if I hadn't won them. lol.

So, there's my exciting story for the day. Now I think I'm off to photograph another pair of slippers... tata!

CaitiJo

The Longest Valentine

I know it's late, but it's still Valentine's Day. :)

I hope you've had a nice day. I got lots of chocolates from my preschoolers yesterday and today. That was really nice. Honestly, I've just wanted to pig out and eat them all up. But I haven't!

My favorite in the 3 year old class is Julia. She calls me Aunt Caitlin. I don't know why, but I awfully like it. lol She's not my favorite because of that, though. Her little valentine said "to Aunt Caitlin" on it, which I thought was sweet, since her mommy wrote it for her. And I almost wrote "from Aunt Caitlin" on the one I gave her, but I didn't want her mom to freak out and be all like "Who does this girl think she is, calling herself "Aunt Caitlin"?!" ...anyways. Yes, it's just a silly little nothing, but I like being a fake aunt. LOL

I wanted to write a thought-provoking, eloquent post. It didn't work out. I specifically told Anne that I didn't want to just sit and ramble til I end up saying something, but that's what I'm doing now - apparently it's what I'm best at.

So. Valentine's Day. We've never made a big deal of it around here. Our aunt usually sends us something sweet. Isn't that nice of her! But that's about it. Not that I don't like it. It's just not a big deal.

I think it's sad that so many people think a romantic relationship is necessary for complete happiness. It's not. There is only one relationship that will make a person complete. What people fail to see a lot of the time is that if you have a thriving relationship with God, everything else will fall into place. In His time, of course, and in His way (which may or may not be pleasant for you), but if you truly have a right relationship with Jesus Christ, God the Father, and the Holy Spirit, you will have a surpassing joy and peace and fulfillment that can't even compare with the strongest, most devoted, fairy-tale, human love.

And here I insert that I haven't the time and energy at this moment to define "right relationship" and the differences in what we call "happiness" and holy peace and joy. Although if anyone would like for me to expound, I would be happy to some day (soon?) when I have a little more "umph" in me. :D

Nor is this to say that I'm not like every other girl who wants a Prince Charming, either.

But it is awfully thrilling to know that I'm a Princess of the King of Kings, and he loves me with the most perfect, completely incomprehensible love ever. The Charmingest of all Prince Charmings can never live up to the love I already receive.

God is love. We've all heard it over and over, right? But think about it. What is love? It's hard to define. There are so many different kinds of love, and ways of showing love. Everything you can think of that is love, God is.

I said this last year during Valentine's season, but I'll say it again. It stands to reason that the God who *is* love is not limited to "types" of love. His love must be unmeasurably the strongest parental love, the sweetest brotherly love, and the most passionate romantic love together; the perfect love "which passeth knowledge." For as long as God is, we can't define love in it's fullest. It's beyond us. He is love. Selfless, giving, forgiving, eternal, unconditional love.

Don't be discouraged or lose hope when you're going through a tough time. You don't know how it's working things out to your good. I pray that God will grant you strength to bear it, so that you will be able to understand just how strong, and powerful is this love that passes all human understanding, and gives you such fulfillment in life. Give glory to Him; He can do more for you than you could ever even think to ask for.
( a very short, Caitlin translation of Eph. 3:13-21)

1st John 3:1(a.) "Behold, what manner of love the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called the sons of God"

Upon confessing our unworthiness, and accepting Christ's love (that he was already giving, even though we weren't responsive), we are drawn into His family and are worthy to be called the children of God. Kind of like the earthly way of a bride becoming part of the groom's family.

There are points I haven't covered, but I already mentioned that I was too tired to hit them all. I think it would take too long, too. You guys probably don't want a book out of me. LOL I promise, I don't count myself an expert, either, so do speak up if you have a word. :)

So, my basic point is this: I like Valentine's Day. I'm all for romance. But if LOVE himself doesn't satisfy you, kisses and roses from a human aren't going to, no matter how perfect they are, or how happy they make you feel. Think about God's love, and rest in him. He wants to be loved back too, so don't ignore the One who loves you most.

All said, if you're reading this, I must love you in some sort of way, and I wish you a Happy Valentine's Day. :)
~Princess Caitlin

P.S. This is probably the longest valentine note you've ever gotten.